Many people among our societies have faced bullies on more than one occasion. Some get by without a problem, but some are unlucky and constantly deal with one or more bullies. Even some deal with it on a daily basis, and these bullies are what we refer to as serial bullies.
They are one of the worst bullying types. I've dealt with several serial bullies in the last few years. Somehow I've always managed to get by just fine. You learn how to control the situation within a certain amount of time. Although, not everybody will manage to deal with these types as well as some can. The one type of serial bullies you don't want to ever deal with is a sociopath. I've dealt with at least one of them and it wasn't easy.
There are ways of spotting signs that you may be in a situation with a serial bully. Many examples are listed in this blog entry with links attached to them. Don't fear, you can fight back. After all, I'm here to help you.
Bullying Type - Sociopath (aka Psychopath)
This type of serial bully often is motivated by power, gratification, personal gain and survival. The mindset is set up quite simply, and that is manipulation, deception and evil. Sociopaths are quite talented at manipulating emotions in the others. Now, when it comes to malice, they are often set at a very high level when held accountable. A lot more than you'll see in the average joe.
Here are some of the examples that can be used as signs to spot to determine if one is a sociopath.
- Jekyll & Hyde personality
- always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath's position
- excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
- excels at evasion of accountability
- is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
- silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict
- will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the organisation and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in denying
- is adept at appearing to offer weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but would otherwise be unable to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees and pawns
To get more examples, click here. (Source: BullyOnline.org)Bullying Type: The Attention-Seeker
Often commonly known to many as emotionally immature and narcissistic. The motivation is quite obvious... to be the centre of attention. That's why we refer to them as the attention-seekers. It would be safe to assume that most people know of at least one person who is an attention-seeker. The level of malice is set at around medium according to some experts, but when one is held accountable... very high. The problem with the attention-seekers is that their minds are set to be very controlling of its surroundings, can be manipulative, many are also guilty of narcissism. Here's some of the examples you can also use as signs to spot one.
- emotionally immature
- selectively friendly - is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest
- is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention
- overfriendly with their new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working relationship
- overhelpful
- overgenerous
- manipulative of people's perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner
- manipulative with guilt
- sycophantic, fawning, toadying
- uses flattery to keep a person in authority on side
- everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama
To get more examples, click here. (Source: BullyOnline.org)Bullying Type: The Wannabe
One of the more mild types of serial bullying. It is often said that they are like attention-seekers, but not as bad. However, they are often desperate to get some respect but they often resort to the wrong tactics when they make their attempts to earn some. The mindset is often narrowed down to deception which is why they are often viewed as unprofessional don't have too much of competence. The malice is often set at a low level, but can be a bit higher at times. When one is held accountable, it is often not as bad as the two previous bullying types mentioned but can be high too depending on the situation. If you feel that you are dealing with one of them, here's some signs that can be used to see if you are right or not.
- similar to the attention-seeker
- is one of life's chronic underperformers and is best described as ineffectual in everything
- craves undeserved respect and attention and will go to considerable lengths to acquire them
- hangs around the fringes of a profession
- not professionally qualified but claims they are a professional because they sit next to a professional or work alongside or near or in the midst of professionals, or provide services to professionals
- lacks the ability, competence and professionalism to be a qualified professional
- wants so much to be seen as competent professional person but is unable and unwilling to put in the work to achieve this
- is unable and unwilling to apply knowledge gained from experience but instead devotes time and effort to improving skills of deception, manipulation, false claim, denial and projection
- may have been rejected by their chosen profession for lack of competence
- is spiteful towards and despises anyone who is qualified in the profession from which the bully has been excluded by virtue of lack of competence
- is likely to be vilifying the profession they want to belong to or which they're claiming to be part of or which they are claiming to represent
- displays a deep-seated envy and jealousy of the professionals that he or she works alongside or claims to serve
- harbours a bitter resentment, grudge, distaste and contempt for the professionals that he or she works alongside or claims to serve
- is likely to be criticising, condemning, disadvantaging and causing detriment to the professionals he or she works alongside or claims to serve
- may seek positions of power over the professionals he or she works alongside or claims to serve, perhaps to facilitate a compulsion to criticise, condemn, disadvantage and cause detriment
To get more examples, click here. (Source: BullyOnline.org)Bullying Type: The Guru
Not really the type to worry about, but better to be safe than sorry. At times, this type of bullying can contain some psychopathic traits. They are often confused when talking to people, and unable to understand how the surrounding people may think and feel. They often won't accept responsibilities for their actions, or admit that they may have some shortcomings. They are often plagued with no social skills. However, the motivation seen in many situations is that they are often task-focused. In a normal situation, their malice is mostly non-existence, when one is held accountable; the malice is often low to medium. Unless the person has some psychopathic traits. Don't sweat over this one, but if you are concerned about the possibility of one being in your workplace. Here's some examples you can look at to see if there are any signs that you've noticed in your workplace.
- often successful in their narrow field of expertise
- regarded as an expert
- valued by the employer because s/he brings in the money, status etc
- ruthlessly pursues objectives regardless of the cost
- ruthless determination to succeed
- can be successful over the medium term in their field
- task focused
- zero people skills
- control freak
- mainly but not exclusively male
- often has a favourite who receives extra attention but who is expected to reciprocate with sycophancy
- favours, protects and promotes non-threatening sycophants whilst marginalizing and hindering the advancement of those with higher levels of competence, especially in people skills
- apt to betray those formerly favoured, especially when the favoured person starts to show independence of thought or action, or starts to receive more attention or become more popular than their mentor
To get more examples, click here. (Source: BullyOnline.org)So far, four types of serial bullies have been listed. I hope it was quite helpful to these who are seeking the information on how to deal with the problems. If there is something you want to ask me, just click on the "comments" below and leave a question. Though it don't have to be a question, you can also share your experiences if you want to, or to make a comment.
How does one manage to keep on an even keel with a bully? I am Western but now living in a bullying culture (in fact in my experience most Eastern cultures come under this category, and Im now living in an Eastern country) and Ive started a university program here, and have encountered some bullying from a couple of the Faculty members in my department right from the outset (after their initial friendly welcome). Any suggestions for sticking out the semester here and putting up with screaming and cut-downs? The bullying is from both male and female sources: The male source so far seems to be from an attitude of chauvanism plus arrogance for their university position; the female source seems a combination of jealousy of a female from a freer culture, or maybe just of a female, plus arrogance for the same reason. Both also seemed to have some racism towards the West. It seemed they also felt threatened by the fact that Im older than the other students here -- in the West any age goes to univ -- and that although usually a polite person im very good at holding my own when my boundaries are crossed, Im convinced about my human rights, and also while I respect their position I dont feel they are better than me because of it and Im not afraid to speak up when cut down. In fact one of them told me she has the right to scream at and control me since Im a "student". Ive always loved universities and this is the first time any faculty member at a university tried to make me feel ashamed for doing more higher education.
ReplyDeleteMy first move would be to confront the faculty member on how you don't appreciate the bullying tactic being imposed upon you.
ReplyDeleteIf the faculty member is not willing to back off, then I would just go to the administration dept and report the faculty member, then hope he will be reprimanded for his actions.
If nothing is done about it, there isn't really a lot you can do about it since there aren't laws against it in many places. Unfortunately.
Do your research and see what can be done about it.
Is there a resource you can point me to to help us manage an adult bully most effectively. Do's and don'ts, etc.
ReplyDeleteSituation is not work related so going to HR is not an option. However there is a professional dependence and this person is in charge of the organization, all information, professional contacts etc and could do damage if we don't manage this properly. The target by the way is a young teenager and we are arming her with insight so that she understands he is bullying her because he perceives her as a threat to his own kids who are involved in the organization - but we need some insight on how she and we can manage him and minimize the bullying. She is unwilling to quit the organization.
Thanks
Banjo, RU still monitoring this blog?
ReplyDeleteI still get notified of any new comments on my blog and I do read them, sometimes I respond to them.
ReplyDeleteI just don't blog pretty much at all these days.