The Importance of Communication

My whole life, I have been told so many times that I’ve lost count about how fortunate I am to have a family capable of communicating with each other. They even have commented that it is as if I came from a deaf family. Everyone else in my family is hearing; I’m the only deaf person in the entire family. Sure, I have wished on several occasions that there were some people in the family who were also deaf so I wouldn’t be the only one. Who hasn’t? My parents and siblings are all able to sign. One of them is also a professional ASL interpreter. One of my nieces is also well versed in signing, as she grew up with me in the same household for her first few years. All of my nieces can sign.

Going back to when the family doctor diagnosed me with deafness at the age of one and half. Naturally, my parents reacted with shock and sadness. When it comes to the parents, it’s a perfectly natural reaction to the discovery of a disability that they are unfamiliar with. They did everything they could to get the help they needed for me. The family doctor we had at that time was not too well educated on the subject of a deaf child’s needs. He recommended that my parents to not sign with me and use the oral method instead. Like most parents, they took the doctor’s advice. They did everything to get me to speak; they even took me to a speech therapist for a few years, a weekly trip to the city of Toronto for an hour’s worth of session. Same lesson every single week, she tried to teach me how to speak the types of the farm animals she showed me. Being taught to say the word, ‘cow’ every single week is not fun. It’s dreadful. In fact, my father often dozed off in the room because he was tired of watching a repeat of the lesson every week.

By the time I barely turned three, I was throwing temper tantrums all the time. Literally several times a day, I’d start screaming and point to what I wanted. My parents would try to understand what it was that I wanted. The barrier was so thick between my parents and I; I still loved them to death but I really was frustrated with the problems we were having. Just imagine the frustrations my parents had to deal with because they weren’t able to understand their own child. That had to be hard for them. I imagine any parents would find it difficult, but I do know that a great deal of parents gave up too soon. My parents didn’t, they stayed on track to achieve their goals.

Meanwhile, the doctor passed away and a new family doctor was assigned to my family. Everything changed; my parents decided to change their goals. It was obvious to them that the former doctor did not give them the information they needed on how to raise a deaf child. They signed up for courses in sign language. I was then enrolled into a program for the deaf at a public school at the age of five. It was a place where my development and acquiring of sign language was truly accelerated due to the open environment we had. After a while of being at the school, my teacher came to the conclusion that I was already well educated after such a short period of time, a series of private lessons were set up while the other children were in other classes.

Over the years, the communication system in my family was greatly improved. My parents spent the summer vacations working with me on literacy lessons several times a week. They never tried to get me to speak, just sign. Yes, they did have a local speech therapist see me on a weekly basis for years, but I was fine with that, as I did want to learn how to speak. The speech therapist was pretty friendly; she never scolded me for anything. All she did was encourage me to speak; she could sign. She’s not one of these who cover her mouth with a paper sheet whenever she tries to teach me a word. Don’t you hate it when they do that to you? They think it helps, but it doesn’t. A lot of deaf folks know what I’m talking about; they’ve probably dealt with these people in the past.

In the fourth grade, my homeroom teacher used ASL (American Sign Language) as a teaching instrument. Before I had her, all of my teachers used a form of SE (Signed English). They were all good teachers, I won’t deny that but ASL was definitely a whole new experience for me. She was a great teacher, she taught me so much about literacy, math, the history of the deaf and much more. The school was a wonderful place for the deaf children because of the teachers were devoted to giving them the education they deserved. The only problem is, the school only went up to the sixth grade then it was graduation time for them.

After my graduation in the sixth grade, I was given a few choices about what I wanted to do from that point on. I chose to attend a school for the deaf because I was deeply interested in attending one for a very long time. It took at least an hour to reach the school from where I lived. Yes, I had the option to live there or attend as a day student. I made what many would consider to be an outrageous decision; I chose to be a day student. It was my decision because I didn’t want to leave home. I don’t regret the choice I made, it was worth it. My parents were happy that I made the decision; they drove me to the school every single day. Yes, that’s right, they did. The definite proof that my parents cared enough about what I wanted, and they made it happen.

The experience of attending a school for the deaf was a tremendous difference from what I experienced at the public school. The classroom environment I had before was limited in that it was a specifically designed educational program for a few students. We had interpreters through most of the day for other class subjects. At the school for the deaf, all teachers were capable of teaching by signing instead of using interpreters. A large number of them were also deaf.

I’ll be the first to admit that there were some big flaws in the education system at the school; it’s a big crack that a lot of deaf students fall through. Socially, it’s great, but educationally, it could be better. A lot of students also feel unmotivated to learn more and that their parents aren’t involved enough. That’s another topic I’ll have to cover someday for these who are interested.

As I mentioned in the first sentence at the beginning, I’ve been told on many occasions that I’m fortunate to have a family who signs. I do appreciate these compliments and positive support that I receive from my friends and people I know. Still, it doesn’t make me feel better because it leaves me knowing that there are deaf children out there whose parents show no interests in signing or are disappointed with their disability. Deafness is a disability, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a handicap. Deaf children are capable of doing what they dream, not even the sky is the limit. It’s beyond that.

At the school, I have gotten to know a lot of them. For these who are unfamiliar with deaf issues, you may be shocked to learn that some parents don’t bother learning how to sign with their children. In many cases, they take the doctor’s advice, which is usually the oral method. For children who were born deaf, it’s more likely to be highly difficult. Hard-of-hearing children are radically different from the deaf when it comes to acquiring the spoken language of English. A deaf child cannot hear, even with a hearing aid, they will find it incredibly difficult to comprehend spoken words. Hearing aids are amplifiers, which is the downside, the more you amplify a sound, the lower the sound quality goes.

Cochlear implantation is a different issue, and I do take issue with the idea of 6-month babies being implanted. It’s not an ethical solution; that is the problem. How do you know if a child is deaf at the age of six months? Doctors who are familiar with deafness would tell you that hearing tests aren't always reliable. Even with hearing tests, they are not completely accurate. If the child is hearing, you’ll be destroying the residual hair cells inside the ear. I know for a fact that there are audiologists who feel this way about screening a baby’s hearing ability.

Yes, I know that the studies have shown that the earlier implanted, the better the progress is. Still, the hearing tests aren’t completely accurate. Babies do get ear infections or a condition inside their ears; it’s not rare either. If the baby weren’t deaf, you would be making a severe sacrifice by going with the surgery. It is a choice that the parents are entitled to, but it shouldn’t be used as the first option. It is an expensive operation and a big commitment from the parents is basically required. Just be careful with the choices you make. Cochlear implantation is either the best choice or the worst mistake you could make for your child. Remember, I’m emphasizing on problems surrounding babies, not toddlers or children. That’s a different subject.

One of the reasons I believe the parents resort to the oral method is because they don’t feel like they are able to make an adaptation to the deaf child’s environmental needs. Parents often unintentionally force their children to adapt to their environment instead of theirs. The strain put onto a child isn’t good for their mental health. As being a former peer helper at my school, there have been some clients I counseled whose parents were like that. They do feel a lot of pressures and frustrations toward their parents and it’s usually because of how they communicate in the household.

Deaf children need something to fall back onto in case the results of oral method turn out weakly. Sticking to just the oral method is a recipe for an out-of-control disaster in many cases. As I mentioned earlier, deaf and hard-of-hearing are different from each other. Very different, I have to emphasize on that difference to ensure that the parents get it. Hard-of-hearing are much more capable of understanding spoken English due to the residual hair cells they have.

I firmly believe that children should be allowed to acquire more than just English. That’s how I was raised and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. If it weren’t for my parents and my family, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Communication being made the top priority in a family is the best first step to a bright future of success you can make for a deaf child.

After all, it’s the parents’ choice on what they wish to do with their deaf child. I’m just sharing some of my experiences and hope that they will take their time to think it over due to the consequences that may occur as a result of their choices.

The parents should put their children’s needs ahead of their needs.